Tuesday, December 16, 2008

UPDATED: "I'll Flush You Alright"

[UPDATED] Ok. So as many of you know, I orphaned this poor little blog while I pursued some other interests and regrettably disappointed some of the site's fans. I'm genuinely sorry about that and hopefully this update will make it up to you.

As I perused the interwebs, I recently stumbled upon my picture of an amusing sign (see below) on the venerable PassiveAggressiveNotes.com who kindly featured this passive aggressive note several months ago. I had submitted it to the site thinking I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting it featured and then promptly forgot about it. Now I'm thrilled to see it was posted and well received.

Thanks Passive Aggressive Notes!

Found this sign in the men's bathroom at a local restaurant...

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Top 20 Social Disasters - Part IV

Without further ado, I submit for your enjoyment the final installment of "Top 20 Social Disasters."

20. Awkward Icebreaker
This one comes to us from faithful reader Caroline...

The awkward icebreaker is bound to occur when a close friend introduces you to her coworkers or long lost college roommates. With the first handshake, you're thrust into small talk: Where do you live? What do you do? But you eventually run out of things to discuss and that just gnaws at your friend who's dying to see you guys hit it off. So what does she do? She suddenly busts out some random, embarrassing story about you:

"Hey, Cindy. Tell them about that time you had that weird rash on your elbows... No, tell them. Tell them... Ok. So, Cindy went camping with this guy and she ended up laying in some..."

Because nothing establishes a bond between strangers better than rushing them through the normal course of friendship.

19. I'll get this...when I find an ATM
You're out with friends having dinner laughing, joking, maybe even having a few drinks. When the bill comes, you want to show some love. You figure, "Hey, I'm a nice guy. I'll pick up the check." With a big grin on your face you announce it to the whole table.

Of course, that's when you realize that they only take cash, and you only have three dollars in your whole entire wallet. You see where this is headed...

18. Keep talking while the room is hushed
Don't you love it when you're in a loud room talking loudly with a friend and then, for no particular reason, the room suddenly goes quiet? Oh yeah, and that's always the EXACT moment you say something remarkably embarrassing.

"blah blah blah blah.... BOOBS!!"

17. Takin' a header
In a recent comment, reader Molly reminds us that public falling is a classic social disaster not soon forgotten. A few years ago while attending college, I was on my way back to my dorm room from the campus center. In my hand I carried some chicken bites. In the other was a tiny container of delicious BBQ sauce. It was a frosty January day and the quad was covered in a sheet of ice. Sure, I could have walked around the perimeter on the salted and sanded sidewalk, but I was in a rush to enjoy my tasty chicken bites. So, I decided to take a shortcut across the ice.

After no more than 10 steps I slipped and just as it seemed I might recover my balance I was launched some four feet into the air. Everything went into slow motion and I remember seeing the chicken bites alongside me as if suspended in air. Then came the bone crunching sounds of my body colliding with the frozen ground. Worse than the fact that I never got to enjoy my treats was that my fall was a great public spectacle resulting in resounding laughter from all sides.

16. On a road to nowhere
Ever tell a story that just went nowhere? Reader Robyn reminds us that sometimes a well conceived story can crash and burn if you can't seem to get to the punch line. She writes, "You know, like when you start a story and halfway through you realize that everyone is listening intently and you don't even have an ending. So you have two choices - go off in a tangent creating another story with a more exciting climactic ending and hope no one asks why the two are connected or just do what I do, which is trail off with a low grumbling, a few 'yeah, but' and then say something before anyone else like 'Wow, that was a good story. Best one I've told in awhile. A real keeper. Good stuff...' and once again trail off until someone takes over. Crisis averted, or is it?"

Or is it?

That's it folks, but if I missed any, please leave a comment!