Top 20 Social Disasters - Part I

Whether it's forgetting someone's name or botching a handshake, every social interaction offers infinite opportunities for awkwardness. I know from experience! Over the next few weeks I plan to examine the Top 20 worst social disasters.

For now, here's the first installment of goofs that will leave you aching with an embarrassment hangover.

5. Elevator nightmare
Whether it's awkward conversation or flatulence, a lot can go wrong in the tiny confines of the elevator. Seriously! It's best to take the stairs. Just boarding the elevator can be an issue. One time a woman was trying to get on, but I accidentally hit the "close" button in my efforts to keep the doors open. The woman thrust herself between the doors which clamped down on her like jaws of death. Then, just as suddenly, they swung open and the woman flew in. I'll never forget the scowl on her face after she came to the conclusion that I had purposely tried to shut the doors on her.

4. Trash talk express
Nothing like trash talking your boss when he's standing right behind you. "Doug looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.... oh, ummm, hey, Doug."

3. What's your name again?
"This is Karen, and Karen, this is...........umm........rrrr...ahh." And the only thing more humiliating at that moment is your red face and sweaty forehead. I especially hate it when you forget someone's name after you've already introduced about eight people. The things people do just to hide that fact should also be included in this list. For example, coughing like you've suddenly been stricken with Typhoid or pretending to be distracted by something in the distance. "This is Bob, Sara, and .... WOW!! I had no idea they had salad here!!!"

2. Hold that door!
Holding the door can be a nice gesture, except when you commit too soon. You wind up looking like an ass as the person you're trying to help has to run a half marathon across the parking lot just to take you up on the offer. Of course, you might also be on the receiving end of the gesture. In which case, you'll be the one racing like an Olympic athlete through mud puddles. The worst is when you have two laptop bags and a coffee. You wind up spilling crap all over yourself just to make the other person feel like they were helping you.

1. Hug or handshake?
One of you goes in for the intimate hug. The other sticks to the formal handshake. Self aware, you both switch and end up doing the Macarena like a couple of idiots. One night, my wife introduced me to a few of her friends. As the night came to a pleasant close, I decided to say good bye and ended doing a fairly awkward hug vs. handshake dance.


I'd love to get your feedback on any embarrassing social experiences I might have overlooked. Stay tuned for more!