Honest Cover Letter

Wouldn't it be refreshing to be a straight shooter for a change? Take a look at my "honest" cover letter.

To Whom It May Concern:

I have no job. But I am excited by the opportunities afforded to those who do, namely the ability to eat. I undoubtedly saw your opening in my local paper or discovered it on one of countless job search sites. Perhaps an acquaintance of mine knew somebody who knew of your opening, which is remarkably exactly what I'm looking for. Nevertheless, I am moderately qualified and enthusiastic to have an answer when friends and family ask, "So, what do you do again?"

Since my graduation from college, I have developed excellent work-related skills; I am now a master at Googling ex-girlfriends and "looking busy."

I could tell you that I'm great at multitasking, but actually, I have learned that despite a $150,000-education, I am never quite qualified for any job. So, in an effort to save up enough money to take a GRE preparatory course and eventually go back to school for the more than eight years of training I will need to do something less insulting, one job may be as good as the next. I'm not expecting miracles. Let's face it -- I'm not going to find my dream job here -- but a chance to fill my car with a little over-priced gas would be terrific.

I have attached my resume. Please feel free to contact me should you have any questions. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you. And while this letter may seem generic enough to send to anyone -- I assure you -- it was crafted solely for your fine company/organization.

Sincerely,
[Your name here]