What's your name again?

Every now and then I'll meet someone, exchange pleasantries and then promptly forget my new acquaintance's name. In some cases, I'm so busy fretting about how to make a great first impression, I never commit their name to memory in the first place, ironically condemning myself to a slew of future awkward encounters.

People tend to be forgiving about name reminders if it's your second meeting. But, at some point, the thought of asking becomes so embarrassing that you'd rather go on for the rest of your life saying "Hey there! How are you doing?" than actually broach the subject.

So, what is the point of no return? Is it after one meeting, two, three?

I tend to think you're in trouble if you haven't figured it out by the third encounter. In which case, I highly recommend adopting a nickname for your new friend to hide the fact that you're an idiot.

Here are just a few endearing nicknames you might use:

• Chief
• Captain
• Love
  
• Buddy
• Bro
• Shorty
• Man
• Sport
• You
• Pal
• Jam Master J
  

Of course, if the person in question has a distinguishing feature, you might model a save-your-ass nickname after this trait. For example, you might call someone with red hair, "Ol' Red" or if they're retaining water, you might call them "Cankles."

What works for you?

Photo Credit: ~BostonBill~

embarrassment hangover [n.]

embarrassment [N.] \im-ˈber-ə-smənt, -ˈba-rəs-\
something that embarrasses

hangover [N.] \ˈhaŋ-ˌō-vər\
something that remains from what is past

Has this ever happened to you? You're driving along -- perhaps you're on a long road trip -- and your mind starts to wander. You think of that nice vacation you had in Maine or maybe the punchline of a joke comes to mind. You grin to yourself as you hop and skip from fleeting thought to fleeting thought. You might even start humming some jingle you heard on the radio as the road's yellow lines race past your car.

Then, without warning, you remember an event from your past so horrifyingly embarrassing and vivid, it forces an audible "arrghh" from your lungs and startles any passengers who may be along for the ride.

What you've just experienced is something I like to call an embarrassment hangover:

embarrassment hangover [N.] \im-ˈber-ə-smənt, -ˈba-rəs-\ \ˈhaŋ-ˌō-vər\
the experience of suddenly remembering and reliving an embarrassing moment from the past

Embarrassment hangovers can be triggered by a wide range of stimuli ranging from a friend's story to a song on the radio. But no matter what the catalyst, the experience is bound to be unpleasant as you relive a social disaster from your past.

It might be the time you peed your pants in gym class. It could be that moment you accidentally copied the entire company on an intimate email. It could even be the time you danced like a complete ass at a friend's wedding.

No matter what, the memory hits you and it hits you hard. In some cases, the memory is so powerful that you actually forget what you're doing at the present moment. After a few minutes of intense shame, you suddenly realize people are talking to you:

"Hey are you ok? Is something on your mind," they ask.

You make up a story: "Oh. I was just thinking about all the stuff I have to do on Monday."

But your next embarrassment hangover is lurking there somewhere in the recesses of your mind, just waiting to pounce and make you feel like an idiot at the most inconvenient time.

Ever had an embarrassment hangover? What was the source of your humiliation?

Photo Credit: Striatic

Dazed and Confused at IKEA

Have you ever noticed that IKEA has the same layout and design as a casino? No doors, windows or clocks, bright lights everywhere and a steady supply of crisp, cool air to keep your head up and your wallet out.

Not to mention the entire place is a maze of epic proportions. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if the skeletons of a few unsuspecting shoppers were found in the corner of a room display with a Poang or a Klubbo clutched by their brittle little fingertips.

Every time I go with my wife, I'm determined to resist the beast and not buy a single lampshade or desktop organizer. Not one damn Swedish meatball. Not one!

But then I usually stumble out four hours later feeling totally dazed and confused. And, of course, I have a cutting board under one arm and a Karlskrona under the other.

And I hate myself for it.

Photo Credit: davecobb

UPDATED: "I'll Flush You Alright"

[UPDATED] Ok. So as many of you know, I orphaned this poor little blog while I pursued some other interests and regrettably disappointed some of the site's fans. I'm genuinely sorry about that and hopefully this update will make it up to you.

As I perused the interwebs, I recently stumbled upon my picture of an amusing sign (see below) on the venerable PassiveAggressiveNotes.com who kindly featured this passive aggressive note several months ago. I had submitted it to the site thinking I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting it featured and then promptly forgot about it. Now I'm thrilled to see it was posted and well received.

Thanks Passive Aggressive Notes!

Found this sign in the men's bathroom at a local restaurant...

Top 20 Social Disasters - Part IV

Without further ado, I submit for your enjoyment the final installment of "Top 20 Social Disasters."

20. Awkward Icebreaker
This one comes to us from faithful reader Caroline...

The awkward icebreaker is bound to occur when a close friend introduces you to her coworkers or long lost college roommates. With the first handshake, you're thrust into small talk: Where do you live? What do you do? But you eventually run out of things to discuss and that just gnaws at your friend who's dying to see you guys hit it off. So what does she do? She suddenly busts out some random, embarrassing story about you:

"Hey, Cindy. Tell them about that time you had that weird rash on your elbows... No, tell them. Tell them... Ok. So, Cindy went camping with this guy and she ended up laying in some..."

Because nothing establishes a bond between strangers better than rushing them through the normal course of friendship.

19. I'll get this...when I find an ATM
You're out with friends having dinner laughing, joking, maybe even having a few drinks. When the bill comes, you want to show some love. You figure, "Hey, I'm a nice guy. I'll pick up the check." With a big grin on your face you announce it to the whole table.

Of course, that's when you realize that they only take cash, and you only have three dollars in your whole entire wallet. You see where this is headed...

18. Keep talking while the room is hushed
Don't you love it when you're in a loud room talking loudly with a friend and then, for no particular reason, the room suddenly goes quiet? Oh yeah, and that's always the EXACT moment you say something remarkably embarrassing.

"blah blah blah blah.... BOOBS!!"

17. Takin' a header
In a recent comment, reader Molly reminds us that public falling is a classic social disaster not soon forgotten. A few years ago while attending college, I was on my way back to my dorm room from the campus center. In my hand I carried some chicken bites. In the other was a tiny container of delicious BBQ sauce. It was a frosty January day and the quad was covered in a sheet of ice. Sure, I could have walked around the perimeter on the salted and sanded sidewalk, but I was in a rush to enjoy my tasty chicken bites. So, I decided to take a shortcut across the ice.

After no more than 10 steps I slipped and just as it seemed I might recover my balance I was launched some four feet into the air. Everything went into slow motion and I remember seeing the chicken bites alongside me as if suspended in air. Then came the bone crunching sounds of my body colliding with the frozen ground. Worse than the fact that I never got to enjoy my treats was that my fall was a great public spectacle resulting in resounding laughter from all sides.

16. On a road to nowhere
Ever tell a story that just went nowhere? Reader Robyn reminds us that sometimes a well conceived story can crash and burn if you can't seem to get to the punch line. She writes, "You know, like when you start a story and halfway through you realize that everyone is listening intently and you don't even have an ending. So you have two choices - go off in a tangent creating another story with a more exciting climactic ending and hope no one asks why the two are connected or just do what I do, which is trail off with a low grumbling, a few 'yeah, but' and then say something before anyone else like 'Wow, that was a good story. Best one I've told in awhile. A real keeper. Good stuff...' and once again trail off until someone takes over. Crisis averted, or is it?"

Or is it?

That's it folks, but if I missed any, please leave a comment!

Top 20 Social Disasters - Part III

The following is the next installment of my four-part series, "Top 20 Social Disasters." Each is a common, but no less embarrassing social faux pas.

15. New baby bomb
Any statement that implies, insinuates or explicitly calls out that a woman is pregnant when she is not is the very definition of a social disaster. The question, "So how many months along are you?," is only acceptable if the woman begins the conversation with "I'm pregnant" or "I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous." Yet people (usually men) continue to socially implode by asking this perilous question.

14. Spill on the Nether Region
This usually happens while eating or drinking in a seated position. Through some mishap you manage to spill crap all over your lap. The problem is that even if you explain what happened, there's always the suspicion that your story is a cover up for a particularly bad episode of incontinence.

13. Let's take your car
This one just sucks! After weeks of treating your car like a landfill, your friend/boss/co-worker/girlfriend/boyfriend suddenly decides there's a desperate need to take your car instead. It starts innocently enough. "Mind if we take your car this time?," they say. Then the terror sets in just imagining how they'll judge you at the sight of a sneaker, two coffee cups, four bags of chips, a cord with no corresponding device, a broken CD case, half a donut, six sugar packets and a can of peas. What's your plan of attack? You figure if you shove everything into the back seat like a burrowing prairie dog, NO ONE WILL EVER NOTICE. But they ALWAYS notice. And there's no explanation that will suffice.

"Oh, it's just been crazy lately. I just haven't had any time to [tip my car on its side, dump its contents, wash it out with a fire hose and dunk it in 800 gallons of disinfecting chlorine]. Sorry about the mess!"

12. Puberty strikes back
I suppose this one's more of an issue for guys, but let me explain as best I can for the ladies out there. It's been a long time since I was 13 years old. It was a challenging time in my life as I strove to overcome adversity, especially in the vocal pitch department. For most boys, a cracking voice is particularly embarrassing because it's like a tiny, effeminate boat horn that announces to the world you have no hair on your chest.

Now fast forward a decade. Imagine how much worse it must be for a man whose voice suddenly cracks after years of manliness. What I can say from personal experience is that when your adult voice does decide to crack unexpectedly, it's never in the middle of a long intelligent sentence that offers plenty of room for recovery. Nope! It always happens in the midst of a one word response.

Her: "Can I spend the night?"
Him: "Ye-ah!"

11. "Hi-lo" greeting
You're walking down the office hallway at a brisk pace. Another co-worker approaches you at the same rate of speed. You want to be sure you pick the best greeting, but it's just so damn hard when there are so many choices. You could go with with the tried and true, "hello." But, then again, you think: "Yeah, but 'hi' is edgy, brief and powerful. I want to make a statement." You're the creative type, so this dilemma is no match for you. At the last second, you decide on a hybrid of the two: "Hiii-lo."

Congrats, buddy! You pulled that one off.

File this bumbling greeting in the same category as the infamous mismatched response. For example, someone asks, "What's up?" Your unforgettable response: "Good!"


As always, I want to know what your thoughts are? Am I missing any social blunders? This is your last chance to influence the remaining five social disasters in my series.

Top 20 Social Disasters - Part II

The following is the latest installment of my ongoing series examining the Top 20 Social Disasters. Enjoy!

10. Case of mistaken identity
This often happens in department stores. Your significant other is in front of you checking out some magazines. You look away and without looking back you give 'em a tap on the shoulder and say something real endearing like, "We are in desperate need of toilet paper!" When your eyes focus back on the person, you realize in horror that it's not the love of your life. Nope. It's just some random shopper who's now considering filing a restraining order.

9. How's the weather?
We all know the cocktail party nightmare well. You're standing with a drink in your hand and someone, with whom you have absolutely nothing in common, opens up a dialogue. It's a nice gesture, no doubt. But soon you both realize what you've feared all along -- you have absolutely nothing to say to one another. Look down at the floor. Look up. Ask a moronic question: "What's up with these napkins??" Uggghhhh.

8. The "chicken wing"
The job interview wraps. It's time to assert yourself with a strong, memorable handshake. Except the bastard clamps down too fast and catches a whole lot of fingers. Your only hope of salvaging some kind of dignity is to wrestle that little thumb free, but it's not looking good.

Getting your thumb pinned down feels a lot like a playground bully is beating you with your own arms.

7. Sidewalk tripskip
We've all done it. You're walking along confidently, maybe even a little bit too self assuredly. Suddenly, you trip on a sidewalk crack and lose your balance. What do you do to save face? That's easy. You fly into a goofy jog walk. Because, hey! You meant to go for run at that exact moment ...while carrying a bag of laundry.

6. Sloppy meal choice
That triple-decker Reuben always sounds like a great idea when you're ordering. But, when globs of Thousand Island dressing are seeping into your shirt sleeves, it's time to join a new online dating site. Lobster, chicken wings and cheese steaks are just some of the meal choices that will leave you begging for a way to go back in time and order the fruit plate.


What social disasters have you encountered?